"Captain America" Review

So, I was out camping in central California last week (hence no review) and I was with a friend who, instead of saying "awkward" said "awk." That pretty much sums up "Captain America: the First Avenger": awk. She also said "sups" (pronounces "soops") in lieu of "super." So I suppose that would be "sups awk." Now, it's not awkward in a "seeing-Watchmen-flanked-by-both-of-your-parents" awkward, but a "nothing-about-this-movie-really-works" awkward. 

That's why this time there are three different categories than normal. Awesome, Bad, and Meh. Trust me. I can only think of  three "Awesome" and two "Good" and a lot of "Meh" and some "Bad" so I'm lumping "Good" and "Awesome" together this time. 

Awesome (Tommy Lee Jones, Stanley Tucci, Howard Stark, Production Design, Technical Stuffs), Bad (Red Skull, Character Development, Extra Characters, Writing, Director), Meh (Chris Evans, Montages, Lighting, Story Construction, Romance).

I'll be as brief as I can so as not to prolong this. 

Awesome:

I love Tommy Lee Jones. I mean, what isn't to love about him? Great actor? Nope, but I love him anyway. he was perfectly short, sarcastic, and sharp in this role. He looks the part too. Great job with the casting here. Absolutely perfect. 

Stanley Tucci: love him too. He was, admittedly, the best character in the movie; most honest, best written, best acted, and possibly most likable as well. His accent was great too. I loved him. Another great casting job.

Stark. Ah, Stark. Aside from the fact that I was already looking forward to him because of who his son is, he was actually fun. He was light, entertaining, and clever, I felt. My only complaint is that Dominic Cooper broke the accent a few times. Just a tad. Sad part is that I wasn't looking for it. Whatever though. He was a great addition and highlight of the movie. 

Now to the production design. My only complaint is that the tech looked a bit too modern and futuristic. That aside, I felt like they nailed the time period. Costumes were good, sets were good, props were good--loved it. Great job, guys.

Okay, let's start off with what didn't work. ("Wait, I thought this was "Awesome?" Hold yer horses!) One: I heard some ARDing (look it up, but basically, it's when you re-record a line in a studio because something didn't work on set). Two: I could tell it was a green screen with the bomber chase. Yep. Those miffed me. However, Chris Evans head on the skinny body: EXCELLENT. Like, brilliant. Fantastic job, guys. Seriously. 

Bad:

How to put this delicately. A movie is only as good as its villain mostly because a hero is only as good as his villain. The villain has to be who the character could be and while they told us that Captain America could have been the Red Skull, they never showed us that. Remember that back in English class? "Show, don't tell." Lots of telling, but no showing. I'll get to the details of that soon though and fully explain what I mean. That aside, Red Skull was disappointing. Now, I love Hugo Weaving. "Hello, Mr. Anderson." I mean, come on! Great, right? Yes! No! Not this time. He was terrible. No, strike that--what was given to him was terrible. (I'll get to the writing and directing later.) His speeches were forced in placement and context, the whole "oooh, look, I have a red skull--bwahahaha" scene was flat. They didn't play him up enough. They didn't develop him. I didn't get to know him, his back story, his motivations, nothing. Yes, yes, they mentioned it, but--that's it. Nothing more than a mere mention. Red Skull was a very disappointing part of the movie. It's actually annoying--very, very annoying. 

Let's talk character development. Well there was...no. Ooh, but what about...oh, no. Not there either. OH! But what about--no, no. Wait. No! The girl! Yeah! Peggy! She, almost sort of arced. Right? She went from being mildly interested, to very interested, to angry, to in love...but why? I dunno. Wasn't explained. 

That's the character development. It simply was not there really. The only times they came close were when Steve Rogers couldn't get drunk and Peggy. Only times really, which is really bloody annoying. I mean, that's why Red Skull didn't work, why Steve didn't work, why I wasn't totally broken up about Bucky Barnes death, why Dum Dum Dugan and all the other miscellaneous character didn't work--no one really arced and it's a cryin' shame because they set up Rogers to arc. Twice. The first one I thought of and the second one goes to my buddy for thinking of. The first way they could have arced was to flirt with what Red Skull was dealing with: power. Tucci's character warned him about it and Red Skull made reference to it both times he and Cap met up. Apparently though, if Cap were to flirt with that, he would cease to be all that is Captain America. Whatever. Go talk to Chris Nolan about the original Batman. The second way though they also set up. When Cap first meets Tucci's character, he says he doesn't want to kill anyone, but that he doesn't like bullies. He easily could have and should have had to come to terms with the fact that sometimes, you have to kill the bad guy. Easy, simple--set up. But NO. No real character development at all. Nada. So disappointing. 

That brings me to my next point: characters. No, no the main few, but those extra ones who were supposed to be sort of important and funny, but who's names you never caught, except perhaps Dum Dum Dugan, but even then, you had to either be familiar with the story line, or be very, VERY attentive. They never explained any of the other characters really and I was bothered that there were suddenly these people who I was supposed to care about...but didn't. 

So, let me really nail the problem. Well, a problem. The writers. Now, I'm usually, not this forward about my feeling, but smack them. Both of them. The writing was terrible. I mean, awful. Most movies I walk out of and I have a sense of who the characters are. At least the main character, anyway. Not so with this one. I never knew who Steve Rogers was. Even his speech patterns didn't work. His use to language (foul) didn't work with who he was before as a little guy. He didn't make sense as a character. That, like the rest of the film, is the writers fault. Okay, and the story guys' and the director's, but the writers dropped the ball. I'll continue with this in other places.

Now to the director. Oooh. See, this really makes me mad. This guy directed "October Sky," "Jumanji"-- he helped with Star Wars IV, V, and VI, "Raiders of the Lost Arc," "Temple of Doom" for goodness sake! Joe Johnston! What are you doing, mate? He's done some quality work, but as I look over his Wiki page I see he did "The Wolfman" and "Jurassic Park III." Oooh. Now, I can't speak to "Wolfman," but even "Jurassic Park III" wasn't this bad. He did a terrible job on this movie. He did not do Cap justice at all. his vision...was rubbish, honestly. Well, no. That's not true. His vision was great. It's his execution that was rubbish. 

Meh: 

I'd like to say that this movie isn't Chris Evans' fault. Maybe I'm biased towards him because I like him, but I don't blame him for how bad this was. he wasn't given anything to work with. At all. Poor, kid. Hopefully the next set will be better.

Montages. Not working so well. They were awkwardly placed and were rushed. 

The lighting. Now, have you even seen a show on the BBC or BBCA? Or even an Australian show? Notice how it looks different? How something about the picture quality is off? I've been told that it's the lighting and I noticed that same sort of cheap feel at times in the movie. Not cool, guys. Not cool at all. 

Story Construction, then? "Sups awk," mate. It...didn't work. It just didn't arc right. At all. Some stuff happened too fast, some stuff to slow. It was thoroughly awkward.

Ah, l'amoure. Love. Romance. Tres magnifique, oui? NEIN. (That's German for "NO." See what I did there? Germans, once more stopping the French. Okay, so who couldn't stop the French? Heh heh. Just kidding. France is beautiful. Great bike tour too. Vive le France!) I hate to say it, but I think that George Lucas did a better job with Anakin and Padme than this movie did with Steve and Peggy. At least Lucas made an effort, albeit and really, really, REALLY, REALLY terrible one, to show some sort of progression. I didn't get any of that in this one. Nothing. Don't get me wrong, I loved the bit where the two are talking about dancing at the end. Very cute, but they never developed the romance. Meh. 

Basically, a massive let down. I actually texted my buddy mid way through and told him that he was right--the movie didn't work. Oh, right. Disclaimer: I went into this movie knowing about it, having heard that it both didn't work and that it was the best superhero movie since the new X-Men, which was supposedly quite good. (Yeah, yeah, haven't been in the mood.) Even so, I went into this movie, WANTING it to work, wanting it to be awesome and...it wasn't. Unhappiness is watching Chris Evans and other good actors fail in what should have been a great movie. I could continue with all of the problems, but I'll stop and sleep. 

My final word? WAIT. Wait till the discount theater, guys. Seriously. Not that good. 

...

BUT WAIT! What's this? At the end? An "Avengers" trailer?! OH YES! Am I looking forward to this? More than you know. See, one of the only great things about this movie was Stark. I am SO looking forward to how Tony and Cap get along, or rather don't. And then there's Thor. Oh, he'll be great. And Loki? Amazing, as usual. (Okay, okay, so his character had issues like you can't imagine, but I liked him despite them.) Hawkeye (who made an appearance in "Thor," which, now that I've figured out who he is, then makes more sense why he grabbed the bow and arrow and not the gun--heh)? Sweet. Hulk? Mmm...Mark Ruffalo--dunno yet. Then you have Scarlett Johansson, who I dislike a lot, who should be good. And of course Jackson will be in it--yeah Nick Fury! (Even though he's not supposed to be black, but I like Jackson enough to forget about all the PC going on there--Jackson is great.) This movie should be AMAZING. Only apprehensions are Ruffalo. I was apprehensive about Joss Whedon, the director, because of the cult status he has, but then I look at his credits and nominations and awards and I think, "He'll be fine." The producer has done a bunch of the major superhero movies, the cinematographer seems well qualified (he did "Sahara," and, more importantly, "Atonement"), and the editors seem good. If this movie tanks (which is shouldn't with it's cast, director, and crew) I will be fantastically angry. That being said, "I guess that's worth a look."

"Harry Potter 7 Part 2" Review

My own words are tasty.  Very tasty. For that matter, so is that foot in my mouth. Nom nom nom.

Now, for those who don't know that I'm not a cannibal or not actually certifiable, let me explain my previous statement: I was sure - 100% bloody sure - that HP 7.2 was going to be a not to great movie. 100%. The first one wasn't bad, and I was expecting the same sort of "meh" factor for this one. Plus, I'm remembering the book and how bad and cliche' it was, Voldemort and how bad of a villain - no, he is a baddie, the book version doesn't even get that title after how badly (not in the evil way) he was done - he was, how annoyingly Heathcliff Snape was/is, and that whole stupid King's Cross scene. So I am really not expecting much except for some greatness from Molly Weasley. But when the movie ended, I said nothing. Another things to know about me: the moment a movie, ANY movie, is over I launch, both mouth and mind, into critic mode. No film is safe, and yet as the credits scrolled down the screen, I sat silently as the theater chatted around me and cried. Yes, I cried. I cried multiple times. It was great. It was the end of a phenomenon. A long awaited end.

So, good, bad, awesome? Yes, I think so. Oh, and a new category: meh.

Good (Voldmort, lighting, Molly Weasley):

As stated earlier, I really disliked Voldemort in book 7. JK Rowling set him up to be, easily, one of the greatest villains of all time in all mediums. Seriously. I would have placed him up there with Heath Ledger's Joker, Doctor Doom from the Fantastic Four comics--he was epic; and then we get to book 7. He becomes paranoid, nuts, and bizarre. Not villainous at all. Honestly. But in the movie, David Yeats actually made him better than he was in the books. He wasn't insane or ridiculous or anything except when he killed Harry (by the way, that line should have been whispered, NOT shouted), and I was very, very happy and how human he became as the horcruxes were destroyed. In previous movies, Ralph Finnes played him as this inhuman demon, but as parts of his soul kept getting killed off, something in his face, in his eyes became more human. Props to Finnes who, until this point, I thought was the weakest part in the films. So, Voldemort was redeemed for me in this movie.

Somehow, movie 6 got nominated for an Oscar for it's cinematography. I always wondered how because you couldn't bloody see the cinematography because of how bad the lighting was. Not so in this film. The lighting was mostly perfect. One scene was off and that was Harry's death, aside from that, I liked it. Even the ghost of Helena Ravenclaw was done nicely. Good job lighting guys!

Molly Weasley. I know what you're thinking, "Why isn't she in the 'Awesome' category?" Well, I'm wondering why too. Why wasn't that moment with Bellatrix given more time? Honestly, cut some from the beginning or the ending or King's Cross, but NOT from this moment! Goodness. Aside from the fact was it wasn't done justice, it was still wonderful. Ah, Molly, how we love you.

Meh (Ginny, Fred, Snake):

Ginny was, as usual, meh. I mean, so much meh. Does anyone really care about her in the movies? No. Not really. She not a great actress and you don't get to know her well enough to really connect with her. So, Ginny Weasley, I say "Meh!" to you!

Don't kill me. I like Fred, I cried when they got to the scene when they showed his body, but this gets a "meh" because it wasn't done right. Yeats could have played this up SO much more. He tugged at the heartstrings in the movie with this scene when he should have played them like a harp.

Nagini was not bad. When she kills Snape, she's great, but her death scene...meh. I mean, Hermione throws a rock at him? Really? And then Nevill just...what? No. No, no, no, no. Not cool enough. (Oh, small related aside: when did Voldemort get the powers of the Imhotep from "The Mummy"?)

Bad (ending, pacing, sword of Gryffindor, Lupin and Tonks):

I start with the pacing because the problem with the pacing started at the beginning of the movie. It was slow. I understand that they were picking up from where the last movie ended and that they probably wanted it to feel like the audience just got back from an extended intermission and they succeeded at that much to the film's detriment. Yes, I understand that it's a part one and part two, but the opening felt...belabored. Too much talking, moreover, too much rather pointless talking that I didn't care about. Too many dramatic pauses. I didn't like it. Everything up to Gringott's (and even arguably part of Gringott's) got too much time. They could have used it at other places. Like with Fred's death. Or Lupin's. Or the Last Battle. None of those moments got their due. Helena Ravenclaw got too much time too.

Speaking of stuff done wrong, the ending was...anticlimactic. It was not so good. Voldemort just dissipating was lame. And the battle was not surrounded by people, there was no talking, no nothing. It didn't work. It just wasn't as big, impactful, dramatic, epic--it was too simple. It did not do justice to the characters nor the situation. I mean, I wasn't a fan of the last book for a number of reasons, but I liked the movie more than the book and was, as a movie goer, disappointed in the last battle. Visually, I wasn't happy.

Alright, the sword of Gryffindor. Minor point, but they didn't explain how Nevill got it or how it left Griphook's possession or anything. Ball, dropped.

Now, I love Lupin. I dressed up as Tonks for HP premiers. TWICE. And so I am annoyed at how they did not do their death's justice. Honestly. At all. NO justice. You see them sort of not hold hands in one shot and then you see their bodies next to each other...what? No. No, no, no. You can't do that to James's friend, no sir.

That being said, they also failed with Bellatrix's death. Just saying. Not big enough. not dramatic enough. At least it got shown though. Blimey.

Awesome (Snape's death, John Williams, cinematography, Alan Rickman, McGonagall):

Alright. The cinematography was awesome. I loved it. Big shots, dramatic shots, sweeping shots--my only complaint is that they didn't do the sort of shot that had in the teaser posters. But aside from that, the shots were great, especially in that courtyard where, oh, well, everything happened. And the stairs--the first time we see them was great. The cinematography will most likely be up for an Oscar. Just saying.

McGonagall, oh how I love her. She was just...awesome. When she took on Severus, or when she enchanted Hogwarts, or "Boom"--NICE. She has always been one of the coolest characters both on screen and off and so to see them really make her significantly awesome was really good of them and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I cheered for her. (Mind, I cheered for like, half the film, but I cheered for Minerva McGonagall.)

Now, I don't know whether to talk about Snape's death or Alan Rickman because, while they may seen to be the same thing, I'm really talking about two different things. Let's go chronologically then, just to choose.

So, Snape's death. Yes, yes, yes, Alan Rickman was good. Great, whatever, wrong paragraph. This bit here is about how impressed I was with how they portrayed his death. It was graphic, queasy, vicious, and totally, perfectly evil. I am currently in the process of writing a book, and my villain is someone I need to nail because a story is only as good as its villain and so for Yeats to not only do Voldemort better than Rowling, but to make him really, completely evil and just, depraved in such a violent way is a very, very strong character choice--one that I not only enjoy, but whole heartedly endorse as a writer. It was stellar. Good bloody, pun intended, job, Yeats--good job.

Now, Rickman. So, more confession time: I love Alan Rickman. He's great, but I would not have cast him as Snape. He's both too old and does not show enough emotion with his voice. He vocalizes a lot of emotion, but he doesn't show it; however, when he broke down in the Pensive scenes, I teared up. It killed me a little bit when he showed that level of pain. It was excellent. Very excellent. Another good job, sir. Good job.

And so now we come to what, after the scene with the three good Mauraders and Lily, made me cry the most: John Williams's music. Now, I liked the music. It was good. I was unhappy that the movie didn't open with "Hedwig's Theme"--bad move. But when it ended with the music that ended movie one--I cried. Again. A lot. As a musician, a Harry Potter fan, a movie lover, and an English major who appreciates it when a storyteller goes full circle, and a John Williams's fan it was perhaps the best choice in the whole movie for me because it brought it all back to the very beginning when I was just nine. I still remember when I first read the book and so for them to bring back Williams's musical cue redeemed all the problems in the movie for me.

That being said, I'm not going to just wrap up like I normally do. Why? Because I can look analytically at the movie all I want and discuss it from this, that, and the other point, but it doesn't do justice to how I feel  about the film.

I remember walking into the theater at about 11:30 PM Thursday night, dressed as Narcissa Malfoy, tired, slightly annoyed, and very ready for Harry Potter to be done with. I have read the books, seen the movies, listened to the scores, read fan fiction, written fan fiction, drawn characters, done a podcast, written music to the book, gone to midnight events for both the books and films, dressed up, cried--I was a die-hard Harry Potter fan to say the least. (Blimey, that's bloody sad.) But I was past it all, done with the madness, ready for the insanity to be done with, but after seeing the eighth movie, I remembered what I loved about it and I know that while I may be past it, while I may be done with it, and while I an still exceedingly glad for it all to be ended, Harry Potter will still have a special place in my heart, but it is done. It was a good time that I am glad to be done with and to move past, but I enjoyed movie eight a lot. I cried a number of times and practically sobbed aloud a times.

So let us raise a glass one last time to Harry Potter, the boy who lived.

"Transformers 3" Review

Spoilers. Yeah. LOTS of them. I mean, just close the window, like, right now.

So, as I’m watching the latest and greatest Michael Bay explosion spectacular with one of my best friends and as we continue through the fog of computer simulated war I can’t help but think that there are so many great ways to open up this review. I could open with Leonard Nemoy as a baddie – when did this happen? Are you out of your Vulcan mind? – or how I felt like standing up mid-film and saluting – so much…Americaness! – or how awesome the robot fights were – dude, DUDE, I will cover how awesome they were later because I can’t do it in this little opening bit – or, one of my personal favorites, how very, VERY, VEEERRY sexy the sound of the Ferrari 458 Italia is. Yes, I could have opened up with any one of those, but instead I will start out saying this:

Oh, McVillain, or the artist formerly known as McDreamy. I must say: I was pleasantly surprised when I realized that Patrick Dempsey wasn’t just Sam’s rival, but a minor baddie. He wasn’t just some annoying creep that was hitting on Sam’s new girl, but a real, live, actual bad guy in the movie that had to be dealt with! I mean, he enabled the Decepticons to destroy Chicago in their plot! Brilliant! Who knew that McDreamy could become McBaddie? I LOVED it. I loved him. Bad, but still quite sexy. Ah, Patrick Dempsey, what shall we do with you?

The being said, let me try to sum up this movie before getting into specifics. It was, in the truest, most honest, all-encompassing way possible, epic. It was classic Michael Bay. No, it was more than that—it was Michael Bay at his over-the-top finest! I don’t even want to THINK about the budget for special effects that Bay had. Honestly, I’m sure that he could have funded at least two other films on that budget alone. Okay. I exaggerate, but not by that much. Long story short, when Michael Bay said that it was not his intent to make this last movie bigger than the last—he was right. It WAS his intention to make this movie bigger and more spectacular than any movie ever made and I must say that he must have made the top 5. Top 10 if nothing else because this movie was just—

BOOMEXPLODEWOOSHVROOOMBOOMAWESOMEBOOMEPIC.

Yeah. That about sums it up.

The good (McBaddie, Sam Whitwicky, the new chick, music, Leonard Nemoy, deaths), the bad (tertiary characters, physics, the moon), and the awesome (Conspiracy theories! Robots! Robot fights! Cinematography! Cars!).

Blast you, Michael Bay. You simply created too much for me to talk about!

The Good:

So, I remembered reading that Patrick Dempsey was in the film as some boss/dad/character guy and when I see him at the start of the film I'm thinking that he's going to be some sort of rival or minor annoyance, but when he comes out mid-film as working for the Decepticons, threatens the girl, slaps Sam (really? Slaps? I would have had him slug him.), and reveals just how devious he is--I was impressed and surprised. I hadn't see that coming. At all. Mind you, I wasn't looking for it or anything like it in this movie. Betrayals are things I'm not looking for in a Michael Bay movie, but I am pleasantly surprised when I find them. He then turned into a self-serving, silly dork who got a little whiny and a little slimy. Meh. But even so, I liked him and enjoyed his debut  as a bad guy. Very good, McDreamy. Keep the villainy coming, sir. 

I liked Sam. I know that Shia LaBeouf isn't a great actor, but I liked him. He was touching, funny, snarky, cute, and a bit more...edgy, darker, feistier than before. I mean, he killed McDreamy! He hit him over the head with a pole! He took on a commando and almost pinned him! Seriously. I thought it was great. He is a fun character to watch and he grew up a bit in this movie. He was older. There was one shot mid-film where he literally aged 10 years. I'll get to that in "The Awesome." Still, despite the fact that he aged, he was still wonderfully funny and a tad dorky. The bit where Bumblebee transforms with him and in it and then re-transforms around him ending with Sam sitting back in the Camaro--genius. So terribly funny. 

So, as you may have noticed, Megan Fox is not in this movie. Oh, go cry me a river fan-boys. I like that she's not in it. I like the new one. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley as Carly was a great choice. I just looked her up on Wiki to get the name right (honestly, her name isn't quite as short or memorable as "Megan Fox") and realized that she was a Victoria Secret model. That's where she looked familiar from. That being said, all of the men who saw this film shouldn't be too disappointed that Megan Fox is gone. Oh darn. You got a Victoria Secret model replacing this chick with poofy lips. I feel so bad for you boys. All us girls get is Shia LaBeouf, Josh Duhamel, and McDreamy--what am I saying. Us girls got it made in this movie too. Enough about the superficial looks of this girl, let's actually talk about her character and acting. So, I wasn't actually too disappointed by her acting. So she won't win an Oscar, but no one in this movie will. I'm not looking for stellar acting in a Michael Bay movie; her acting wasn't horrendous. My only complaint really is that every time Bay got in for a close up she pouted her lips. A lot. It was annoying. Also, her character, Carly, is quite annoying. The fate of the world is in the balance, McDreamy is threatening to kill her is order to get Sam to betray his friends and what does she do? She begs Sam to save her. Really? You're more important than the world? I mean, he was going to save you anyway, so why bother asking. At least look like a hero and tell your boyfriend to do the right thing. Sigh. 

The music. I liked it. It was big, bombastic, a in keeping with the other movies. Mind though, I heard "Inception." The scene where the massive snake, monster thing is taking out the building that heroes are in totally sounded like the "Mombasa Suite" from Zimmer's "Inception." There were also a lot of foghorns. No matter. It was partially the music in this film that had me wanted to stand up and salute the flag. Heh. 

Now to what will be the logic section of the review. Just kidding. This is just the Leonard Nemoy paragraph. I loved him. My jaw dropped massively when he turned. It was one of those "OHMAHGAWSH, WHAT THE CRAP?!" sort of moments, if I may wax eloquent for a moment. Again, I'm not looking for this sort of stuff in a Michael Bay film, but I liked it. I also enjoyed  the"Star Trek" moments. "Amok Time" in the beginning (I only know that because I stayed to watch the credits!) and Sentinel Prime (ooh, quick question, wouldn't Optimus Prime be high ranking than Sentinel Prime? Forgive me, four years of Latin does that to people) quoting Spock. Yes. I rolled by eyes at the last one, but yes, I did laugh too. Leonard Nemoy as a bad guy is great. It was an interesting choice for him and it's one that I like it. 

So, a LOT of people died. Not just Ironhide ( I know, right?!), but a lot of people. It was dark. And the way they died. The weren't just shot, but sort of exploded and vaporized. It was...dark. Unexpectedly so and I was happily surprised by it. I also was surprised that Sam killed McDreamy. Very surprising. And then that Optimus killed Sentinel like that was surprising. I wouldn't have done that. I like my heroes a bit more noble, but it wasn't a bad move. A bold one, for sure, but a decent one. Good job, Michael Bay. 

The Bad:

Now, I usually go in the order from above, but I won't because  I'll have my least favorite part, the tertiary characters, for last. That being said, I think that Michael Bay may or may not ask God to suspend the laws of physics for him because he clearly either ignores them, thinks they don't exist, or think that don't apply to him, which, it would seem, they don't. And as much as I like a good action flick, I like some consistency more. The physics of this movie don't work. The gravity on the moon changed depending on the shot and I'm not sure, but I think that if a planet were to suddenly appear that close to earth, the gravitational situation of the planet would change drastically. Also. How and why do all the Decepticons get transported back to Cybertron after it's sort of, not really destroyed? Moreover, what happens to Cybertron? Does it just sit there? does it fall out of the sky? What? 

Actually, that covers both physics and the moon. On to the tertiary characters. Now, I'm not talking about the soldiers. Noooo. I am talking about Simmons, Wang, and the mother. You know when something happens and you sort of tense up? You become ridged and come close to seeing red? You feel like killing something maybe? Yeah. Every time either of those three characters opened their mouths or even existed--twitch. I feel a little bad, but when Wang died, I was...relieved. The tertiary characters were terribly annoying and unbearable. The movie would have been better without them.

The Awesome:

Conspiracy theories! Robot fights! Robots! Cinematography! Cars!

Anyone who appreciates a good conspiracy theory will just love this movie. Instead of going with the clichés of Area 51, Michael Bay went with another conspiracy theory, but one not as widely done in film: the moon landing. To top it off, he went to Chernobyl. Yep. According to the film, both as just cover-ups for alien tech and it’s wonderful. What’s better is that they got Buzz Aldrin to be in it! How crazy awesome is that? He actually chats with Optimus Prime. Yes, please.

Alright, let’s be honest. “Transformers” is known for three things: hot girls, hot cars, and epic robots. Two of them fall into the awesome category for good reason. So, let’s chat robots. If it’s possible, and I think it is, the robots were actually more awesome than in the last two movies. The moments when they transformed were focused on too much, over done, and the slow motion was a bit of over-kill on Bay’s part. But am I complaining? NO. It was AWESOME. Every time they transformed it was amazing—truly cool. I almost wish they’d done it more. And when they transformed at high speeds with people in them—ah. Michael Bay. What are we going to do with you?

That being said, the fights were EPIC. Honestly, I loved it. Every second of the robot fights were high-adrenaline, crazy fun. Lots of explosions, bullets, punches, crazy weapons—it was sick. So sick, it may have been ill.

Now, the fights wouldn’t have worked as well if Michael Bay hadn’t been very good about his highly stylized, but very enjoyable cinematography. I love his work. Yes, yes, it’s very MTV; yes, yes, it’s not high art; yes, yes, it is crazy stylized, but I like it and I’ll stand by that. I love that he does long tracking shots in the fights, keeping up with the robots. Makes the fights that much cooler. And the crazy angled shots from below with the robots—I rather enjoy it. My favorite shot though was when the Autobots “leave” and the shuttle gets destroyed mid-take off. The shot of Sam as he’s watching the debris fall from the sky aged him a solid 10 years. The character grew up in the shot as he realizes what he needed to do. My friend also pointed out to me how the colors of the shot, it’s a movie shot tacking and panning left I think, go from orange to blue signifying defeat. It was very nice.

But you know what was nicer? The cars. Specifically the Ferrari 458 Italia. Confession: I am not usually one for Italian sports cars being a huge fan of  70s muscle and Audi; however, when that 458 started to run—ooh. Yeah. That noise should be illegal, it’s so sexy. Also, the Mercedes SLS AMG—a personal favorite. And the Corvette concept car? Now, I don’t really like Corvettes. The back end had always been a big…square for me, but this new one—man, I do like it. The cars in this film were sexy and amazing and I loved them. Yay for cars!

Overall, it was a fantastic movie. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Will it win any Oscars? I should hope that the effects would obliterate the competition into smithereens, so yeah. It’ll win an Oscar, but only for the technical stuff. Was the acting great? Meh. The storyline? Not bad, but not amazingly inspiring either. The music? Fitting. The casting? It’s the third one, you’re sort of stuck at this point, but the new guys were great. The editing? Mostly good. Some small problems with where people were looking, but still good. The lighting? Yeah, good. Techincally the movie works well (or perhaps we’re all too busy ogling to pretty robots to care)—regardless it’s a wonderfully fun movie that I recommend seeing.

Grade: A for Awesome